The Dada Christmas Catalogue by Roger McGough

Chocolate comb
                          Can of worms opener
                          One bookend

                                                               Solar-powered sunbed

Abrasive partridges

                         Inflatable fridge
                         Set of nervous door handles
                                                  Overnight tea-bag

                                                               Instant coffee table
Sly trombone

            Pair of cheap skates
                       Mobile phone booth

                        Underwater ashtray
                                                13 amp bath plug
Pair of socks, identical but for the colour

                         Another bookend

                                     Portable suitcase

                         Genetic make-up bag

                                                        Demystifying spray
Packet of party poopers
                          Nasal floss (unwaxed)
Contact lens adhesive

                                Magnetic chopsticks

Concrete poetry mixer
                         Non secateurs

                                     Not a pipe.